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Lasting Dating Relationships & Your Future

How Your Dating Life Could Affect Your Marriage

If you've ever wanted motivation to work on your semi-serious dating relationship, here's some: Experts say that people who are able to sustain lasting relationships before they marry stay married longer and are more likely to be married for life than those whose pre-marital relationships don't last very long.

That means that by working on your current relationship, even if you don't end up marrying that person, you are contributing to the success of your future marriage.

Relationships aren't always easy. In the beginning, the level of passion and excitement you feel for the other person drowns out the things that aren't so desirable. You are so excited about being around him that you quickly forget about his annoying humming and the fact that he disagrees with you politically. But, as with all relationships, the new eventually wears off and what didn't bother you before becomes a major annoyance or issue.

The change is due to the ever increasing intimacy between the two of you. The more you are around each other, the more the "little things" began bothering you. This isn't all bad. It means that you care. When something on TV annoys you, you simply turn the channel because you have no commitment or intimacy to the channel or the person annoying you on the screen. But when you have even small levels of commitment and intimacy you have greater potential to become disturbed by some of the other person's actions because they are a major part of your life.

Expect it

I'm telling you all this so that you can expect annoyances and issues to make your relationship less effortless and natural than it was in its beginning. That's not time to quit. Not only does a human being deserve more from you (and you from another), but you need to "practice" the commitment levels that will be necessary in a marriage.

If you break the relationship off at the first sign of conflict you have hurt youself in two ways:

1. You might have married this person if you had whethered the difficult days and come out even closer to each other than before the trouble began.

2. You didn't allow yourself to learn how to function in a relationship that was experiencing difficulty. When you marry, there will be times of difficulty, arguments, hurt feelings, annoying habits and anger. If you canceled a pre-marriage relationship because it wasn't all "smooth sailing," it will be much more difficult on you when you actually marry and experience friction.

Know When to Fold 'Em

I'm certainly not saying that any relationship should be forced. A person can only stand so much before enough becomes enough. However, I am saying that one of the best indicators of who will make a "good spouse" might be how he or she reacts to conflict in your dating/courtship relationship. If she can't handle a little conflict before marriage, it will be difficult for her to handle it when you're married.

If anything else, consider conflict as a personal challenge. Not a reason to call off your relationship, but an opportunity to test your ability to stay committed despite difficult times. Some will handle this better than others. If you notice a constant pattern of conflict, it might help you decide against continuing your relationship. But the bottom line is, don't give up at the first sign of conflict so that you'll have some experience when it happens in future relationships and so that you don't ditch "Mr. (or Mrs.) Right" because you had a few wrong days.

by Lee Wilson (Follow Lee on Facebook)
2008 Lee Wilson. All rights reserved. May not be used without permission. Permission granted to use approximately one paragraph on a blog, forum or website and then a link to this page for full content.

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Rating: 3.67/5.00 [3]

Author Comments

Joined: 15 Jan 2006
Dating Articles for Christians. Dating Advice.: 7
Comments: 1
 Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 10:02 am  Post subject: Amazing read

Hello Lee,
I loved this article so much, particularly because I find myself in a difficult situation right now. My problems perhaps surpass solving, as they proceed not from me, but from the man I loved.

It's imperative we try to make things work out, and I wish I could work out my relationship right now with the man I chose to fall in love with. But what happens when you're with someone who causes strife in a relationship due to his insecurities, and cold feet?

Up until 7days ago I was in a wonderful Christian relationship that was spirit-filled, Christ centered, and going fantastically well. We prayed together, did everything together, and for the first time ever had to be apart so I could visit my family in Europe for Christmas. I was gone for 10days, and in 10days his world/our world changed.

Upon my return, a few days later, my man ended our 3 month long relationship for reasons you'd laugh at. Reason #1, he hates real estate and I love real estate. Reason #2, he was adamant on me moving into his home as oppose to buying a house together if we were ever to get married. Need I say the house is beautiful, but yet outrageously small. Reason #3, his spirit wasn't settled with the idea that I had goals (to pursue/further my educate), big dreams and ambitions to better my/our future.

Reading this now, it all seems like an excuse to back out of something so wonderful. Left to me, I'd want to make it work out, but what happens when the man you love is the cause of the problem? What happens if his actions ooze and scream of "help!" He claims to be a saved Christian but acts amiss sometimes. Reading the above you'd swear I had earlier signs of his antics, but I promise it was PERFECT, well, so I thought. He was perfect to me, and I loved all of him.

I was wiling to make it work. I do still love him so very much, but I'm seeking ways/I'm desperate to move on. But can one really move on when their heart is still with another? Would moving on be the best thing to do if I think I'm letting the love of my life throw it all away? He claimed he'd waited for me all his life, and had been alone for 10years straight. Could his rationality be caused by fear, or the fact that he's gotten used to being alone?

Nothing makes sense anymore, but when I read your article, I knew it was well worth it not to toss it away. Sadly, the choice isn't mine to make. Anyway, your article was so amazing, and I wish it was vastly read across the globe. I've copied and saved it in my archives to guide my future and the next man that'd deserve my love. He'd sure be the first to read it! Smile Keep writing, and God bless.
Rating: 3.50/5.00 [2]

Joined: 11 Sep 2009
Dating Articles for Christians. Dating Advice.: 0
Comments: 1
 Posted: Tue Mar 23, 2010 1:25 pm  Post subject: im new

im new here. i dont know how to post articles or topics in this site, but anyway i hope i would be heard by means of this comment
i have an issue about my present bf. his ex gf wanted to meet him in his house. they broke up years ago but i dont know why his ex wanted to see him, and even my bf also doesnt know( im not sure if he is lying or not).
i asked why he allowed her to visit him in his house. i know temptations are strong for guys Smile but, what i wonder is that why is he so curious about what his ex gf's situation now and how she is right now.. my jealousy triggers me a lot and until now i cant stop thinking about it and i dont know how to let him know that i really disapprove it he kept on saying relax..he said the ex has a bad motive and he is wanting to know what kind of bad motive that is. what i really hate is that he still allows them to come over his house. and what is depressing is that he is like excited about the meeting. i asked what are her contacts so i could contact her and claim that the man he is running after has a gf and stop contacting him but i dont know if that is a right move. my bf doesnt really want to give her contacts.
what if that bad motive turned into good motive and he would be surprised, and his feelings for her before triggered him again? these are the questions that keeps on coming into my mind. I just wanted God to enter my heart and my mind so that it wouldnt be painful for me to let go in case something has happen between them. i really hate it when exes go back and the man has already another woman or the woman has another man.
please help me how to deal with this situation

Rating: 0.00/5.00 [0]

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