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Saving Yourself for Marriage

You may think I'm only talking about sex or physical purity. But I'm not. There's a lot more you can save for your spouse, if that's what you choose.

I used to struggle with the idea of saving sex for my spouse. I knew it was the right thing to do, but I couldn't help but think I was missing out. I was, but it would have been only a temporary sacrifice that would have turned into a priceless investment.

Saving sex for your spouse is not the only thing that will pay great dividends. Though sex is a very special and sacred experience between a man and woman who love each other and have committed to each other by marriage, it is not the be all and end all of the male/female relationship. It's just one important part of several areas that are found in a healthy marriage.

What if the mindset of a single was not just "I'll save sex for marriage," but "I'll save myself" for my future spouse?

How Do You Save Yourself?

Saving yourself, as I define it, means that you save more than just sex. You save other special things like kisses, touches, and "I love you's." It may sound far-fetched or even very old-fashioned, but can you imagine the feeling of joy and love you'd have if you knew that your spouse had not even kissed another person? Ever? Or if the first time he/she ever said, "I love you," it was to you!

Imagine the privilege and honor of having a spouse who didn't just save sex for you, but saved absolutely everything! You can take this as far as you choose. Maybe you don't even want to hold another person's hand before you hold the hand of the one who commits to you for life. Or maybe saving just sex is enough for you. I can't make your decision. I can't even speak from the successful "saving" of myself. But I can speak from the experience of being married and being part of an organization that has worked with nearly 100,000 married couples.

I can tell you that if more couples saved everything for each other, many marriage-harming issues would not exist in their relationship. There wouldn't be haunting memories of past sexual encounters. There wouldn't be feelings of jealousy towards those who had physical experiences with someone's husband or wife. There wouldn't be the mindset that says, "Since I've had sex with someone else, what's the harm in doing it with another someone else?" Or, "Since she's had sex with someone else, what does it matter if I do, too?"

Perhaps the best part would be the sense of sacredness that saving oneself completely brings to a marriage. She doesn't have to share him with anyone from the past, present or future. And neither does he.

Trust me, people don't leave marriages like that. Why would they?

I'm not saying it will be easy. In fact, I imagine it will be extremely difficult. But on your marriage night, when you give yourself to your spouse without bringing someone else's memory with you, you'll probably consider it to be your greatest accomplishment in life.

If you haven't saved yourself, start today. Wouldn't it be great to be able to say that you committed to your spouse even before you met him or her? Or decided to marry? Save as much of yourself as you can.

Remember this rule: The more you save for your spouse, the more you'll have to give and the more you will be able to receive.

It's worth it. Trust me.

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Rating: 4.75/5.00 [12]

Author Comments
Site Admin

Joined: 09 Jun 2004
Dating Articles for Christians. Dating Advice.: 25
Comments: 1
 Posted: Sat Feb 19, 2005 6:50 pm  Post subject:

I agree. A relationship would hardly survive without some touch and affection.

I was just "what-ifing" in that article.

Rating: 0.00/5.00 [0]

Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Dating Articles for Christians. Dating Advice.: 7
Comments: 1
 Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 3:31 pm  Post subject:

Idea Ladyinwaiting: "Better to marry than to burn", assuming they're both on the same page scripturally or not "unequally yoked", both single, divorced, etc.. No guilt/shame in a "..undefiled (scriptural) wedding bed". Finances, living quarters, etc can be worked out if there is a problem there. Sex between a man and woman will always be enjoyed, but as christians, we should strive to "..obey God rather than (flesh) man". Books are ok, but in the final analysis, we as individuals have to apply it's principals. The bible is the best book on any subject, with examples included. Read what Apostle Paul said in Rom.7:7-25, 8:1-39, I Cor.7:36, and did in I Cor.9:27. If all else fails, maybe both should go on a "date fast" before things gets too comfortable, i.e. no guilt, routine, etc. Mistakes happen but, an old saying says "why buy (marry) the cow, if you're getting the milk free". In closing, understand the difference between a "transgression", and "sin", Isa.58:1. Take it from me, there's nothing like feeling CLEAN SPIRITUALLY, Enjoying God's Grace! God Made Us SEXUAL As WELL AS SPIRITUAL BEINGS [and the equipment] so some have to be more careful than others. I love a good hug from a lady now, whereas there was a time I would barely sneak a peek because of a weakness and guilt that had me bound, and I did'nt know how to give it to God, I've been physically fornication free [I don't watch porno, etc either], free for quite some time now, quite some time. God has taught me I can look without lusting, it works for me! I have a normal/healthy sexual side too, being a triune being! Feed your spirit more than your flesh. God Continue To Help, Bless, and Strengthen Us ALL! I Jn.3:18-22. P.S. Falling is not the major problem, it's getting up everytime with a 'stronger' committment, not to let it happen again, 'til victory is won, and it can be, Phil.4:13. We can create our own "peer pressure"! Hope I've helped!
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Joined: 02 Jul 2005
Dating Articles for Christians. Dating Advice.: 7
Comments: 1
 Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2005 5:28 pm  Post subject:

Two weddings this past summer blew my mind. One of them, when it came time to "kiss the bride" they looked at our pastor and said aren't you going to say somthing? He was like ya kiss the bride, they were like no this is our first kiss, they had refraned from any physical touching so as to not be tempted.
The other one had every one guy and girl crying... I think it was after thier vows, the groom had prearranged for someone to bring a chair for his bride to sit on then had the pastor read the scripture of when Jesus washed the diciples feet, and he proceded to wash her feet and promise to "serve" her as best he could for the rest of their life....... tissue please!
That is so inspiring to know there are guys out there who love the Lord and desire to love thier wife as God loves the church, unselfishly, it helps me to want to be a better woman of God.

Rating: 3.00/5.00 [2]
Site Admin

Joined: 09 Jun 2004
Dating Articles for Christians. Dating Advice.: 25
Comments: 1
 Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 4:44 pm  Post subject:

I would hope women would choose to unselfishly serve their husbands in the same way.
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Joined: 29 Mar 2006
Dating Articles for Christians. Dating Advice.: 7
Comments: 1
 Posted: Wed Mar 29, 2006 10:52 pm  Post subject: great

I thought this topic was awesome. It is so hard to find anyone who feels somewhat like that. I agree that saving yourself for marriage is very important. Like a few others said though I also see nothing wrong with a hug or a kiss or holding hands. I do not think your future spouse would have hard feelings with you about these things because they will have probably have done some of those things also. Its very hard not to give into the sexual temptation that comes with dating and relationships. I believe that if it is something you want in your heart to happen (that is save yourself for marriage) we need to stick to it as much as we can, and set an example for others. Like the song says they will know we are Christians by our love (and actions).
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Joined: 27 Oct 2006
Dating Articles for Christians. Dating Advice.: 6
Comments: 2
 Posted: Tue Oct 31, 2006 5:34 am  Post subject: SAVING YOURSELF FOR MARRIAGE

I must confess this is the main reason I joined this site. It was this article that attracted me because I just did not believe that some people still hold unto this view from this part of the world. But the truth is God is God of principles. He will not bend His rules for anybody. Let us hold on to this truth. Even if you have made mistakes in the past, don't worry just make a commitment that from now on you are going to keep yourself and God in His mercy will bring the right person. No one is saying that it is easy but we can always ask the Holy spirit to help us. What I do is I always tell God exactly what I am going through and He has never failed me. The reward of obedience is very great, make a commitment today.
Tosin please keep it up and God will definitely see you through AND HONOUR YOU.
Remain Blessed
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Joined: 28 Dec 2006
Dating Articles for Christians. Dating Advice.: 5
Comments: 1
 Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2006 1:21 am  Post subject:

Wow, I found this to be very interesting! I'm 20 years old and am saving myself for marriage. I have only met 2 people in my life with the same goal so I found it really refreshing to see how many other people are with me on this one. I'm new to this site and really look forward to meeting some people with a similar mindset when it comes to topics like this.
Rating: 5.00/5.00 [1]

Joined: 12 Jul 2005
Dating Articles for Christians. Dating Advice.: 7
Comments: 1
 Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 5:34 pm  Post subject: Saving Yourself for Marriage

Has anyone addressed this subject for older single and divorced adults. I don't know about other people but being 51 and divorced it seems impossible to find someone to pursue a relationship with when they find out I'm not open to sex outside of marriage. Most my age figure that sex is okay outside of marriage, especially for divorced adults because we've already been "spoiled" I guess. I don't really know, but that seems to be the mindset.
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Joined: 06 Feb 2007
Dating Articles for Christians. Dating Advice.: 4
Comments: 1
 Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 11:17 pm  Post subject: Save as much as you can


In the world today, Hollywood makes a big deal out of the 'first time'.

I try to imagine how different my life would be today if all the firsts (first hand holding, first kiss, first embrace, first slow dance, first 'getting acquainted') had been with one man. I probably would not be divorced today, as I would have been much more picky than casual of where to invest those firsts.

I try to imagine saving as much of myself to experience a new set of firsts with one person, perhaps one person with whom I can celebrate 20-30 or more years should the Lord tarry, should the Lord provide. Even in the event the Lord does not provide another man, I'd still be better off in that I didn't invest my emotions and my flesh in something momentary. And, I've set myself aside, separated myself to be holy even as he is holy.

This idea of saving as much of oneself as possible is not new. The idea of spreading oneself thin throughout the ocean of fish of possible partners however is much more a newer concept than the latter.
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Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Dating Articles for Christians. Dating Advice.: 4
Comments: 2
 Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 11:59 am  Post subject:

I know what you mean Larkspur. I am 58 and divorced but I will not agree to sex outside of marriage. If I want God's blessings on my life (and I do) then I need to follow His commands. If a guy can not accept and respect that, then he is definately not the God fearing man I want in my life.
Rating: 5.00/5.00 [1]

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