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Being Single

by Kathleen Gotto

Not too long ago a friend asked me how I was able to handle the physical aspects of being a single Christian woman. Having been married for more than 20 years, my friend found it hard to conceive of a life where a person could not reach out and physically touch another. She wasn't just speaking of sexual contact, but that was part of her question. So, here is an expanded version of how I answered her. . .

First of all, let's look at the sexual issue. For a Christian, it is a no-brainer. I didn't say it was easy, just pretty straightforward and simple. Sexual involvement is reserved only for marriage. Period. Once you know what the Bible has to say about fornication, which is sex outside of marriage, a line needs to be drawn in the sand if you truly desire to be obedient to Him, who gave His all for you. Do you question whether sexual activity is an issue for born-again, Bible-believing, Jesus-loving Christians? You bet it is! Churches are filled with the walking wounded from the ravages of sexual sin. Unfortunately, sermons on sexual purity seem to be reserved for teenagers and younger adults. The ones who have been left out of the equation are older adults, whether never-married or divorced or widowed. This grieves me deeply, because we older Christians also need to hear about and be encouraged in the area of sexual purity. Not just no less than younger Christians, but maybe even more so!

Sexual sin is so pervasive in our society because of all the weapons of warfare the enemy has and uses against us. To put aside for the moment the issue of our own human desires, let's look briefly at the bombardment upon our senses at almost every corner we turn. It is hard to listen to popular music and not hear reference to some romanticized version of sexual activity. Music makes no distinction about the morality of the sexual activity. There pervades the myth in our society that sex is open to any and all who desire it. If you have an itch, scratch it, seems to be the underlying principle. Movies, books, television, and the internet prove to be the devil's favorite playgrounds. We need to diligently monitor ourselves in these areas. There are no playground police who will ask us if we should really be there or not. I like the James 4:7 and 4:17 principles: "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. . . . .Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin."

In 1 John 2:15-17, we are exhorted to love not the world, neither the things that are in the world, and that if any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. In verse 16, it goes on to say that all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. The world is society, cultural and pleasure pursuits, traditions, fashions, whatever is the "in" thing at the moment. In short, everything around us. However, we need to heed the warning in verse 17. The world and its lust are passing away. We need to keep our eye on the prize. Live with a heavenly perspective on the very temporary nature of this life, and the eternal aspect of life once we walk through death's door. We need to remember that we are to be in the world, but not of the world.

I want to touch, at least briefly, on the issue of our natural, human desires. It's not enough that we are blasted on every side with sin's enticements. We fight the battle of our own God-given desires. Has God set us up to fail because He gave us the desire for sexual intimacy? Absolutely not! God is utterly vindicated of this accusation, because He has equipped us with many forms of armor with which to deflect the flames of passion. And that will be the theme of my next article, because there is too much to discuss in that area to cover here.

I pray that God will give each and every one of us who desires to be obedient in this absolutely crucial area of sexual purity, to purpose in our hearts to rely on His strength to overcome this snare of the enemey. "Now, thanks be unto God, Who always causeth us to triumph in Christ, and maketh manifest the savour of His knowledge by us in every place." Amen!

Kathleen Gotto

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Author Comments

Joined: 06 Apr 2008
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Comments: 1
 Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 5:50 pm  Post subject:

Thank you for that article. You are so right. I loved the direct references to scripture. It was an inspiration to me as a single christian mom!! Razz
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Joined: 06 May 2008
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 Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 8:16 am  Post subject:

Very Happy I have been divorced now for 9 years,its been tough,but I understand Gods view now and I am living for the Lord in purity until the Lord allows me to finally be in a christian marriage.That was good what you said.
keep the enouragement going.
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Joined: 26 Jun 2008
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 Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 11:08 am  Post subject:

Rolling Eyes what will I say? i'm truly struggling to live on my faith. i've been separated for almost 5 years now. 'm 33 and i'm contemplating just to have a baby but not to get married anymore. but, your article is so touching that i regretted that thought (single parent) straight away. thanks for being an eye opener. God bless you.
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Joined: 28 Jun 2008
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 Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:41 pm  Post subject: Thanks for the ecouragement, fantastic article

Thank you so much for that article. I really needed to hear that. In my past relationships the men left me because I wouldn't have sex with them and I told them I don't want a relationship based on sex. They said they didn't want to be put on "lockdown" (married) and that there was something wrong with me. There is really something wrong with them. I am trying to be the way God wants me to be even though its not always easy. I am living for Him. I would be a good wife for any man. Somewhere out there there is someone who believes I am worth waiting for. And I feel comforted in the thought that after joining this site I found that there are others who feel the same way. Keep up the good work and God bless. We need encouragement to stay faithful to God while He is guiding us along life's cruel roadways. If its meant for us to have someone He will lead him/her to us.
Rating: 5.00/5.00 [1]

Joined: 09 Oct 2008
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Comments: 1
 Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 5:47 am  Post subject: Christian and Single

Thank you for this wonderful article. This subject seems to disappear as we get older. Becoming single and whether or not sex should be part of our lives is never discussed - and it should be. We all need to be lifted up and encouraged in this area. Women, don't settle or compromise on this stand. Many Christian friends tell me that you can't have a meaningful relationship with a man without sex. I believe all of God's Word and if I'm living to please Him shouldn't I strive to please Him in this area of my life as well? Absolutely. Thanks again - I've been single again for a long time and I appreciate these comments. It's up to us older ones to be examples for the younger ones. Are we? I thought I was the only one who believed this!! Thanks again!
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